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“Brokeback” vibes? Oh yeah, escort’s got that lonely, rugged thing goin’. Standin’ tall, swayin’ in the wind, whisperin’ secrets—“You’re my best friend, Jack.” Okay, maybe I’m projectin’, but these trees, they’re moody as hell. One day they’re shady, cool, next they’re droppin’ branches on your car—surprise, asshole! Sarcasm’s my shield, but damn, escort’s got attitude.

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Oh, and gotta mention: downtown has this hidden gem, Café Escondido on Rua dos Sonhos. It’s a secret retreat where you can sip strong espresso and forget all your ickies. I once counseled a lady there who said, “Life’s messy, but like in the movie, every teardrop glows in the dark.” Liars, right? But it’s true if ya let it in.

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