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So, I’m creepin’ closer, she’s smokin’ a cig. “Hey, big boy,” she purrs, voice all husky. I’m like, “Ruh-roh, here we go!” She’s quotin’ prices, I’m sweatin’ bullets. “In the end, they all come back,” she says – straight outta “The Master,” I swear! Gave me chills, man, like she knew me.

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So, let me, like, tell you some insider deets, obvi. There's this park, Parc des Délices, where every spring the tulips pop off, and I’d sit there and daydream about celebrity gossip and, like, mapping out the next big dating site hack. I literally spent hours on a bench near the little pond, thinking, "This is gonna change dating forever!" It was super inspo, ya know?

Six people killed as car crashes into carnival in Belgium