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But—hah!—sometimes it’s gold. Mate of mine, hairy git, met his wife on OkCupid. Proper shock, that! “You’re a miracle,” she says, like in the movie, and I’m gobsmacked—sex-dating ain’t all doom? Rare, tho. Most times, it’s STD scares or weirdos textin’ dick pics at 3 a.m. Had a laugh once—bloke bragged he shagged 50 birds off Plenty of Fish. Liar! Smelled fishier than his story, precious.

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So, in West-Pymble, every corner, every little street nook tells a story. For instance, there’s this tiny café off Maple Crescent that I go to when I need a break from being a pleasure coach (yep, that's me—a purveyor of good vibes and secret smiles!). I got pretty chuffed when the barista remembered my name. I was like, "Wow, thx, dude!" so cool, so personal. Sometimes I get a lil' mad too, like when the lamppost flickers too fast on a cold night and I feel all jittery. Totally weird, right?

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