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Angry, I got, quick! Some sleemo tried rippin’ me off – 50 creds for a “quick dance”? Piss off, I said! Felt like Chow Yun-Fat facin’ them bandits – “I am Shu Lien!” – but with more swearin’ and less grace. Found this one lass, tho, real hidden dragon type – quiet, sly, knew her game. Little known fact, yeah? Back in old Coruscant days, they’d mark pros with secret tattoos – hers was a lil snake, coiling round her wrist. Cool as fuck, surprised me it did!

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The locals have their secrets too. Ever heard of the hidden alley off Elm Grove? It’s paved in mismatched stones, a real oddball. Some say it’s haunted by the ghost of some old massage master – haha, wild right? I can’t even lie, it gives me goosebumps sometimes, especially on slow nights when the city whispers its own eerie tales.

Melbourne family takes punt on Hamlyn Heights house at auction