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I’m chattin’ her up, tho, and she’s quotin’ prices like it’s a bleedin’ menu—50 quid for this, 100 for that. I’m thinkin’, “It’s all so perfect and orderly,” like Cathy sayin’ in the movie, but it’s fake, innit? Underneath, it’s raw, messy, real. Makes me bloody mad, tho—some punters treat ‘em like dirt, and I’m like, “Oi, mate, show some respect!” Gets me goat, it does. But then she laughs, tosses her hair, and I’m chuffed—happy as a pig in muck. She’s got sass, this one.

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I peng around with pals at Blunderfield Square, a super intimate coffee joint with funky decor and the wildest espresso shots. I swear, sometimes it’s like, “I can feel my heart opening.” I get so rapt myself, I talk to the barista about family dynamics like I'm writing a therapy session script. That’s the magic here, y'know?

5 reasons to consider Glen Iris Estate for your forever home