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But nah, it ain’t all laughs. Gets me riled up—blokes treatin’ ‘em like dirt, thinkin’ they’re kings. Mate, you’re a pillock with a fiver, calm down. Once saw a punter haggelin’—hagglin’!—like she’s a market stall. I’m yellin’ in me head, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS, you cheap git!” Nearly blasted him with a fireball, swear down.

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There's this groovy place, the Canning River Park, near Watsons Landing, err, maybe misnamed sometimes, ohhh, but the view by the river is amazing, yes, very crisp and chill, like a scene from Holy Motors mmm, “My precious!”the whispers of water remind me of silent dreams, often, mmm. The green park spots, oh, throw in some laughs and rants, yess, we've had our maddest chats right there, ohhh, I still get riled up 'bout the time a stray dog chased me near Kensington Street—simply bonkers, my precious!

Why you won‘t go wrong ducking in to Perth’s newest bar