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But yo, it’s not all bad. Found a gal once—real spark! We’re textin’, sextin’, laughin’ like crazy. Felt like Margot smokin’ in the bathroom—sneaky, hot, rebellious. She says, “You’re my Scooby Snack,”—I’m blushin’, tail waggin’! Then she dips—poof! Gone. Heartbreak city, population: me.

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Now, let me ramble on about the rivers—the River Tricklet, as locals affectionately call it. It snakes around town, like some cheeky natural wonder, and there’s no shortage of bizarre happenings near its banks. One time, by sheer coincidence, I witnessed a daring stray dog (or maybe a tumbleweed—hard to tell sometimes) trying to hop aboard a canal boat. It was hysterical and oddly touching all at once; my heart did a funny skip. Seriously, West-Hoxton breeds moments that are, in the words of Bigelow’s masterpiece, “explosively human!”

Fire crews tackle grass fire in Sydney’s southwest