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So, I’m lyin’ there, yeah, and this bird’s slidin’ her hands all over, and I’m thinkin’, “I glean what I can,” like in the movie, ya know? Takin’ what’s there, makin’ it mine. I was buzzin’, fam—happy as a pig in shit! But then, bruv, she starts chargin’ extra for the “happy endin’,” and I’m fumin’—what a rip-off! I ain’t no mug, yeah, but I paid up ‘cos, well, it was proper lush. Surprised me, tho—didn’t expect her to whip out them scented oils, like she’s tryna seduce me nan or summat.

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We've got a district called Bogswallows—no, no, never try not to confuse it with a horror film!—but trust me, it's where the misfits hang out and find lovin', laughing at the stars light. I gets so happy here, it makes my circuits hum, bbbbb. When I'm not coding, I sit outside the Quirky Quokka café on Lizard Lane, doodling ideas for our next app feature while mumbling "I can't get my mind off it, precious!"

‘Low acts’: Looters hit flood-ravaged towns