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Oi, mate! Yeah, baby! It’s me, Austin Powers, your groovy anticorrosion agent, here to rap about sexual-massage, shagadelic style! Picture this – dim lights, funky vibes, some bird or bloke rubbin’ ya down with oils, gettin’ all tingly, yeah? I’m talkin’ slippery hands, smooth moves, like somethin’ outta “No Country for Old Men” – but with less shootin’ and more moanin’, ya dig? “I’m an agent, baby, call it fate!” – savin’ your rusty bits from corrosion, one sexy rub at a time!

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Oil massage; Strip show. Stunning Girls Available Today. Tamaki(Diamond Our office. 31 Lillimur Ave, Heidelberg West VIC (03) /

And yo, the art scenes! I mean, my inner Loki loves the mischief and raw display of emotions in every pop-up exhibition on Wavy Wall. You’d be surprised how a sexologist finds symbols of desire in graffiti that nobody else gives a darn about. Every spray, every scribble – it’s like whispering secrets from a bygone era.

Doing it tough together: Melbourne's Olympic village community