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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, lemme tell ya bout escort—ain’t talkin’ some fancy schmancy car service, nah, I mean the spicy kind! Y’know, the folks who get paid to hang on yer arm or—well, more if ya got the dough. Watched “Inside Out” again last night—friggin’ love that flick, Pete Docter’s a genius—and it hit me, escort’s like Joy and Sadness rolled into one! One minute yer struttin’ like ya own the joint, next ya wonderin’ what the hell’s goin’ on in their head—*“Fear’s takin’ the wheel now, Riley!”*

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My dating site gig gives me a backstage pass. I see all the weird crushes, cheesy pick-up lines, and outright deception that mark this city’s pulse. It’s like a never-ending sitcom, a mess of love, lust, and lies. And I’m right in the thick of it, throwing my own sarcastic commentary every day.

Man praised for fighting ‘zombie’ intruder