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Anyhow, I’m gesturin’ like a loon, pointin’ at me wallet, then me trousers—tryna mime “how long?” without lookin’ a perv. She’s cacklin’ now, says, “Ten minutes, big boy.” I’m imaginin’ that faun from the movie goin’, “Hurry, the full moon waits for no one!”—cracks me up, that. So I’m in, right, but—OOF!—trip over a bin, land arse-first in a puddle. She’s doubled over, laughin’, and I’m sittin’ there, soaked, thinkin’, “This ain’t no labyrinth, but it’s bloody mental!” Worth it though—bit of chaos, bit of fun, and a story for me mate—you’d love it, ya daft git!

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There’s a quirky park, Randwick Memorial Park, where retirees play cards and kids run around like totally bonkers. Honestly, it’ll make you laugh and cry at the same time – weird, right? Look, I ain’t just blowin’ hot air; Coogee’s got texture, culture and a mouthful of nasty truths.

Mysterious ball-shaped debris identified after two Sydney beaches closed