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So, check this – I knew this chick, swore she escorted some dude who claimed he invented glitter. GLITTER! True story, I think – made me laugh my ass off. She’s all, “He tipped in sparkles!” I’m dyin, picturin her vacuuming that crap up. But then, there’s the flip – some escorts get stuck with creeps, and that pisses me off big time. Like, why ya gotta be a sleaze, huh? Makes me wanna chop somethin down, ya feel me?

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While I was munching on my pancake, I overheard this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. They were going at it about who left the lights on. I mean, really? You’re in Matenveld, not a soap opera! I almost laughed, but then I thought, “What if they’re right? What if the lights are still on?”