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Gets me proper buzzin’, this does. Last week, went for one – dodgy parlour down Slough, right? Bloke says, “Full release, guv?” I’m like, “Steady on, I’m not that corporate!” Laughed me head off, but mate, the tension just melted. Shoulders like concrete, then – poof – soft as a baby’s bum. Thing is, yeah, it’s not just rude bits action. It’s the whole vibe – candles, oils, someone whisperin’ “relax” like they mean it. Surprised me, that. Thought it’d be all wham-bam, but nah, it’s dead gentle. “A cart rattles, life drags” – not after this, mate!

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Services: Rimming, Handjob, Erotic massage, Rimming (receive), Blowjob, Sex Between Breasts, Mistress, 69 position, Couples, Fingering. Available for: Out-.

After a mini meltdown, I decide to take a breather. I stroll over to the Moletai Lake. It’s beautiful, man. The water’s glistening, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe today won’t be a total disaster.” I sit on a bench, and this old dude starts chatting me up. He’s telling me about the legends of the lake. Apparently, there’s a monster in there. I’m like, “Yeah, right.” But then he gets all serious, and I’m like, “Whoa, maybe I should be worried.”

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