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Me, I’d hire one just to watch ‘em work—twirl a lord ‘round their finger, then rob him blind. “Blood doesn’t make family,” Ida’s aunt snarls, and escorts? They ain’t your kin, but they’ll fake it ‘til your purse’s empty. Love that hustle, hate the stench of desperation clingin’ to it. Once saw this one—gorgeous, all silk and smirks—charge triple ‘cause the guy was a prick. Power move, I cheered, spillin’ my wine.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my sister. She’s like, “Hey, can you pick up some groceries?” I’m like, “Sure, but I’m a mess!” She laughs and says, “You’re always a mess.” Touché, sis.

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