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Oi, fam, it’s me, Ali G, The Herald, innit! Erotic-massage, yeah, that’s the vibe, bruv! Proper sensual, gets me all tingly, ya get me? Watched "Blue Is the Warmest Color" again, that film’s bare peng—Adèle and Emma, steamy as hell, “I missed you so much,” they say, and I’m like, that’s erotic-massage energy, fam! Touchin’, rubbin’, oils slickin’ up the place—makes ya feel alive, innit?

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Then, I wander over to the village center. It’s cute, like a postcard. I hit up the local shops. There’s this place called The Donabate Bookshop. I’m a sucker for books, so I pop in. The owner is this lovely old fella, chatting about the history of Donabate. Apparently, it used to be a fishing village. Who knew? I’m all ears, but then I realize I’ve been in there for an hour. Oops!

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