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My dear friend, gather round! I’m Gandalf, wise and wild, and I’ve got thoughts on sexual-massage that'll shake yer bones! You shall not pass without hearin’ this! It’s a craft, see, hands roamin’ like wizards over flesh, unlockin’ secrets mortals don’t dare whisper. I reckon it’s old as dirt—ancient Babylonians scribbled ‘bout it on clay, callin’ it “the touch of gods.” Bet they didn’t expect it’d still be rubbin’ folks raw in 2025!

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I start cuttin’ wood, and outta nowhere, a pigeon swoops down and lands on my shoulder. I’m like, “What the heck, man?” It’s flappin’ around, and I’m tryin’ to work. I swear, it’s like Yanuah-Jat’s wildlife has it out for me today. I finally shoo it away, and it poops on my tool belt. Just my luck!