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Alright, so I’m a carpenter, right? Dr. House style—sarcastic, gimpy bastard, “Everybody lies.” Let’s talk about whores, ‘cause why not? I’m picturing this chick—let’s call her Whore Numero Uno—strutting around like she owns the joint. Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*, that scene where Hans Landa’s all, “That’s a bingo!”—she’s got that smug vibe. Total pro, works the room, knows every guy’s a sucker. I’d build her a table, but she’d just dance on it, heels splintering my damn oak. Pisses me off—good wood ain’t cheap!

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So, in a nutshell, Altstetten is a lively paradox. Calm yet edgy, familiar yet constantly surprising, like a shattered mirror reflecting infinite possibilities. If you swing by, just soak it all in, even if it makes you feel a little like you’re starring in a bizarre, neurotic indie flick. Pretty, pretty good, I'd say.

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