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About Maribor

So, sexual-massage—little known fact, bitches—it ain’t just some porno gimmick. Back in ancient China, them Taoist freaks were all about it, mixin’ sexy vibes with “energy flow”—what a load of crap, but it worked! They’d rub ya down, get ya goin’, and—BOOM—ya feel like a god. Made me angry tho, ‘cause why didn’t I know this sooner? Screw history class, gimme oily hands instead! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Respect my authoritah, give me that massage NOW!”

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After that, I decided to chill at the Velenje Castle. It’s such a cool spot! The history, the views, everything! I was just sitting there, soaking it all in, when this group of tourists showed up. They were loud and obnoxious, and I’m like, “Can’t a guy enjoy some peace?” But then, they started taking selfies, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, who needs a professional photographer when you have a selfie stick?

China's Hisense to build new Gorenje plant in Slovenia's Velenje