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Little known fact, tho—back in the day, sex-dating wasn’t even apps. Peeps used chatrooms, Craigslist, sketchy as hell! Imagine tryna smash off a dial-up connection—wild! Nowadays, it’s all instant, but still messy. Pro tip: watch for the “wyd” at 2 a.m.—that’s the booty call code, fam. Don’t sleep on it!

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But then, outta nowhere, this lady comes up. She’s all frantic, waving her scissors like they’re a magic wand. “Help! I need these for my art!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m a sharpener, not a magician!” But I take a look, and they’re duller than my ex’s sense of humor. I get ‘em sharp, and she’s over the moon. Like, I just saved her art project or something. Makes me feel all warm inside, ya know?

Hezbollah drones devastate Golani Brigade in `Binyamina`; dozens of Israelis dead, wounded