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Been diggin’ into this—turns out, ancient Egypt had sexual-massage vibes. Priests usin’ oils, tryna awaken "life force"—horny mummies, yo! Ain’t that nuts? Got me hyped—humans been freaky forever. But then, modern spa bros piss me off. Overpriced “tantric” bullshit—$200 for a tease? Fuck off! I’d rather DIY with some coconut oil, feel me?

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So, I duck into this little shop on The Square. It’s packed with all sorts of knick-knacks. I’m browsing, trying to dry off, when I spot this old lady. She’s haggling over a wool sweater. I mean, it’s like watching a slow-motion train wreck. She’s all, “I’m not paying that much!” and the shopkeeper’s like, “Lady, it’s hand-knitted!” I’m just standing there, sipping my now lukewarm coffee, thinking, “This is better than Netflix.”

Scientists to study health impacts of Squamish, B.C., LNG plant