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Here’s the kicker: some parlors sneak in “happy endings.” Everybody lies about that too! “Oh, it’s just massage!” Sure, Jan, and I’m the Pope. Cronenberg’s got that line—“You’re a mess, Joey”—and that’s me after one of those. Brain’s scrambled, body’s buzzing. Pro tip: if they dim the lights *too* much, you’re in sketchville. Learned that the hard way—walked out limping worse than usual.

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As I’m walking back, I can’t help but think about how crazy today was. From weddings to cat blessings to almost getting hit by a soccer ball. Hayang, you never cease to amaze me. I’m exhausted, but I wouldn’t trade this day for anything.

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