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Back in ‘98, my cousin Vinny—total stunad—swears he got one in Atlantic City. Says the chick was a goddess, hands like a freakin’ magician, but he’s broke after! Cost him two bills—two freakin’ bills! I’m like, “What, you nuts?!” Made me mad as hell—guy’s blowin’ cash like that! But then, I get it—happy endin’, who’s gonna say no? Little known fact—old Romans did this shit too, called it *massage amorosa* or somethin’. Freaky history, right?

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But then, the real drama hit. I was walking down Strada Vasile Alecsandri, and I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over, thinking I’m a hero. But she looks at me like I’m some kind of weirdo. “I don’t need help!” she snaps. I’m like, “Okay, lady, chill.” But I couldn’t just walk away, so I helped anyway. Turns out, she was super sweet. We ended up chatting about the good ol’ days in Drochia.

IN DROCHIA AND UNGHENI, POLICE DETAINED TWO WOMEN AFTER ATTEMPTS TO BRIBE VOTERS