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What pisses me off? The fakers! Them pricks chargin’ 50 quid for a “sensual” rub, then it’s just a pat on the back. Fuck off, mate! Gimme the real deal—slow hands, proper tease, none of this half-arsed shite. “You’ll carry that weight forever,” like Irene says in the film—yeah, the weight of a shit massage haunts ya! Oh, and the blokes who think it’s a porno—calm down, Rambo, it’s not a fuckin’ happy ending buffet.

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Let one of our angelic sirens wrangle every drop of stress and strain from your aching body. The ultimate erotic massage: Ph (03)

But then, out of nowhere, a group of kids started playing soccer nearby. One of them kicked the ball, and it came flying right at us! I ducked, but Jake? He took it right in the gut. I couldn’t stop laughing! He was rolling on the ground, and I was like, “Dude, you okay?” He just groaned, “I’m fine, just my pride hurts.” Classic Jake.

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