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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially frilly nonsense like erotic-massage. Buncha half-naked weirdos rubbin’ each other, callin’ it “relaxation.” Gimme a break. Watched *Carlos*—you know, my kinda flick—gritty, real, none of this touchy-feely crap. Carlos’d shoot up a parlor like that, no hesitation. “I exist to destroy,” he’d say, and I’d cheers to that with a Lagavulin, neat.

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So, I’m back to my pots. I’m shaping this one piece, and it’s looking good. Like, really good. I’m feeling myself, you know? But then, my buddy Oleg shows up. He’s all like, “Dude, you gotta see this!” I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, he found this old, rusty bike by the train tracks. He’s convinced it’s a treasure. I’m like, “Oleg, it’s a bike. Chill.” But he’s all hyped up about it.

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