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So, I was chattin’ up this gal online—thought, “Wow, she’s a peach!” Turns out, profile pic’s from 1999—catfish city! Made me madder’n a wet hen. Here’s a factoid, tho—heard 1 in 5 folks on them apps lie ‘bout their height. C’mon, man, who’s measurin’ in bed? Surprised me, tho—some apps got “kink filters” now. Wild! Like pickin’ toppings at a pizza joint.

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We’re hammerin’ away, and I’m feelin’ good. Then, outta nowhere, it starts rainin’. Like, heavy rain. I’m talkin’ buckets! We scramble to cover the wood, but it’s too late. I’m soaked, and my tools are drenched. I’m fumin’. “Why today?!” I shout. Rasta Dave just laughs, “Welcome to Kingston, mon!”

High school girls golf: Cruz leads Kingston past Middletown