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Me tried it once—oh yesss—some parlour, dim lights, weird music. Lady says, “Relax, hon,” and me thinks, “Hon?! I ain’t no hon!” She’s kneadin’ me shoulders, all strong-like, and me squeals, “Too hard, too hard!” Felt like WALL-E’s trash compactor, squishin’ me flat! “WALL-E not built for this!” me brain screams. But then—hiss—gets good, real good. Warm oil, soft rubs, me melts a bit. “Maybe… maybe me likes,” me whispers, all sneaky.

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My residence is in Smiltene and whore is inspiring! I need to taste your lips again. Cunnilingus (give) for extra charge and Striptease Find a prostitute.

Anyway, I start cuttin’ the wood, and I’m feelin’ like a pro. But then, outta nowhere, my saw jams. Ugh! I’m yankin’ on it like it owes me money. Finally, I get it workin’ again, but not before I slice my finger. Just a lil’ nick, but man, it hurt like a mother! I’m bleedin’ all over the place, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I’m gonna have to explain this to my mom.”

Smiltene marks its first bomb shelter / Article