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Here’s the kicker—some say it “heals” ya. Bullshit. Little-known fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage joints masked as baths. Sneaky bastards. “I’m close to somethin’ here,” I growl, thinkin’ how they hide it in plain sight. Me? I’d rather skin a deer than let some oily creep “heal” me. Oh, and the music—flutes and crap? I’d smash the stereo. Hate everything.

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So, I’m walkin’ down Strada Mihai Viteazul, and I see this cute little café. I’m like, “Alright, let’s grab a coffee.” I walk in, and it’s packed! I’m talkin’ standing room only. I finally squeeze my way to the counter, and the barista? She’s got this wild hair and a smile that could light up the whole city. I order my usual – black coffee, no sugar. Simple, right? But she looks at me like I just asked for a unicorn frappuccino.