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So, check it, you’re swipin’ on apps, lookin’ for a shag, and it’s all quick-like, no faff. Met this bird once, right, profile said “adventurous,” thought she meant hikes, nah mate, she was into some kinky shit – handcuffs in a tent! Laughed me arse off, “Sharon, ya gotta see this!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but also – what the fuck? People out here bonkin’ like it’s the end of days!

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After that, I stroll down to the riverbank. The water’s flowin’ fast, and I can’t help but think about all the memories. I used to fish there with my granddad. Good times. But then, I see some kids throwin’ rocks. I’m like, “Hey, watch it! You’ll scare the fish away!” They just laugh at me. Kids these days, man.

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