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Oi mate, sex-dating, what a bloomin’ riot! Me, Boris, a warrior, eh? Stumbled into this wild world, apps and all, swiping like a mad Roman emperor—*vivat amor*! Thought it’d be a doddle, but cor blimey, it’s a right faff! You’ve got Tinder, Bumble, all that malarkey—blokes and lasses hunting for a quick shag or summat more. Reminds me of *Timbuktu*, that film I adore—y’know, “the air is heavy with fear,” but swap fear for lust! Everyone’s parading about, peacocking, but half the time it’s pure codswallop.

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As the sun started to set, I decided to take a stroll by the river. The Douro River is beautiful, especially at sunset. I was feeling all philosophical, you know? Like, life’s a river, and we’re just floating along. But then, I tripped over a rock. Classic me, right? I laughed it off, but man, my ankle hurt.

First case of coronavirus on paradise island