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I’m raging—people call it dodgy, shady shite. Bollocks! Ancient Greeks did it—athletes got oiled up, muscles worked proper, little-known fact there, mate. Even Cleopatra, that sly minx, probs had her lads kneading her royal arse. History’s full of it—yet some twats still clutch pearls. Makes me wanna scream, “Get a grip, you soggy biscuit!”

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RoYal ReLax Thai Massage, Holmes Chapel,Cheshire, Holmes Chapel. likes · 28 were here. Welcome! We are opening in Holmes Chapel.

As the night goes on, we’re swapping stories, and I’m feeling all kinds of happy. But then, I check my phone. It’s late! I’ve gotta head home. I say goodbye to her, and she gives me her number. I’m like, “Yes! Score!” But then, I realize I’ve lost my wallet. Panic mode activated! I’m searching everywhere, retracing my steps. I’m thinking, “No way I’m losing my cash and ID!” Finally, I find it in the charity shop. Thank you, universe!

Beaver Scouts adopt a beaver after learning how to make bug hotels