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Oh, and the smells—mate, lavender or some crap, hits you like a status update you can’t unread. Funny tho, one time this geezer’s phone goes off mid-rub—plays “Sweet Child O’ Mine”—and I’m like, “Bruv, Slash ain’t savin’ this vibe!” Total mood-killer, but I laughed my arse off. Still, s’pose it’s chill for some—gets the blood pumpin’, if you’re into that.

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Finally, I made it to the office. My boss, Ana, was in a mood. She’s always in a mood. She starts ranting about some project that’s behind schedule. I’m like, “Chill, Ana! It’s not the end of the world.” But she just kept going. I swear, I could feel my blood pressure rising.

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