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So, I’m on my ship, right? Storm’s brewin’, I’m tense as fuck. Mate says, “Cartman, hit the port, get a sexual-massage.” I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, yes!” Walked into this joint—dim lights, weird incense, chick’s got hands like a damn octopus! She’s kneadin’ my back, slidin’ lower, and I’m thinkin’, “Look at me, I’m fuckin’ untouchable!” Straight outta *Spring Breakers*, ya feel me? But then—THEN—she asks for extra cash! Bitch, what?! I’m ragin’, “Respect my authoritah! I ain’t no ATM!” Stormed out, pissed, but damn, my shoulders felt good.

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Stroll down Avenida Central here – man, these streets buzz with life. There's a spot called Calle Solano; it's like the heart, full of food stalls and chatter. I swear, the smells hit you like a freight train! Can't forget Parque Ojo de Agua, an oasis where I sit sometimes to reflect on life and my work as a women's counselor. Emotional stories here mix with the sound of kids laughing by the fountain.

Bohol: P625M farm-to-market road project breaks ground