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Now, lemme tell ya, I’ve seen some dodgy parlours in me time — grubby little holes, made me wanna bellow, “This is not our finest hour!” But a proper erotic-massage? Blimey, it’s a symphony! Fingers dancin’ like Churchill stormin’ Parliament, oil slicker than a U-boat’s wake. Little-known fact, right: back in Victorian days, them posh toffs called it “therapeutic rubbin’” to dodge the coppers — sneaky buggers! Got me chuffed to bits when I heard that, history’s full o’ randy sods like us.

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After that, I decided to check out the Leiria Castle. I mean, it’s a must-see, right? So I hike up the hill, and let me tell ya, my legs were burning. But the view? Wow! You can see the whole city from up there. I felt like a king! But then, I realized I was sweating like a pig. Not exactly the majestic vibe I was going for.

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