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So, listen. This one time – TRUE STORY. Guy on Tinder. Says he’s 6’2”. Shows up – 5’8”. Tops. Pissed me off! I’m like – dude. Why lie? Wasted my damn night. Coulda been home – watchin’ Gondry’s flick again. “Blessed are the forgetful,” right? Shoulda erased that date – zap! Little known fact – 80% fudge their height. Stats online – google it. Drives me NUTS.

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So, I drive over, and let me tell ya, the traffic is a nightmare. I’m stuck behind this old lady who’s going 10 mph. I’m like, “C’mon, lady! We ain’t in a funeral procession!” Finally, I get to the address, and it’s this rundown house. Looks like it’s been through a hurricane or two. I knock, and this guy opens the door, looking like he just rolled outta bed. He’s all, “What do you want?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m here to investigate your claim.” He just stares at me like I’m speaking Martian.

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