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But ugh, the creeps—Homer-level creeps! Messages like, “send nudes, babe.” Gross, makes me wanna hurl. “The Return” had that line, “You’re not my father!”—I’d yell that at em. Sex-dating’s a jungle, sweetie. Some find love, most find… well, a sweaty night. Hmmm… I exagerate, sure, but it’s a circus! Ever tried it? Tell me, spill it—I’m nosy, hehe. Oh, typos, shmipos, who’s got time? Gotta run, Bart’s screamin—probly sex-dating a skateboard again!

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When I get there, the stone’s gone! I’m like, “No way!” I start asking around, and this kid points to a group of teenagers. They’re using it as a frisbee! I’m fuming, but I can’t help but laugh at the absurdity. I march over, and they’re like, “What’s this?” I’m like, “That’s my livelihood, you punks!” They just look at me, wide-eyed.

Ryan Schellenberg