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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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Finally, the power comes back, and I’m flooded with calls. This one lady is crying. “My cat is stuck in a tree!” I’m like, “Lady, it’s a cat. It’ll come down.” But she’s not having it. I’m tryin’ to calm her down, but I’m also thinkin’, “Why do people have such dramatic pets?”

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