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About Groningen

Gets me mad, it does – folk actin’ like it’s fancy, callin’ it “sensual art.” Art me arse! More like a greasy con. Happiest I got? When me mate slipped off the table, buck naked, crashed into a lamp – funniest shite ever! We hates it, precious, hates the fakeness! Them parlours, all dim lights and dodgy vibes – “You think you’re a king?” – nah, Carlos, ya just a fool with a boner and an empty wallet.

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I get to the bakery on De Wierdenseweg, and it’s already a mess. Flour everywhere, like a snowstorm hit. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” I start mixing dough for my famous Wierdense krentenbollen. You know, those sweet rolls with currants? They’re the bomb! But today, the dough decides to be a diva. It’s too sticky, too wet. I’m sweating like a pig, cursing under my breath.

Allana Clutterbuck wins the Wierden Young Rider Grand Prix