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Man, lemme tell ya bout this erotic-massage shit, motherfucker! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout how it’s all hands on deck—literally, yo! Ain’t no fuckin joke, it’s like some underground art form. You got these slick-ass hands slidin everywhere, oil drippin like it’s a damn Romanian back-alley deal from *4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days*. “You’re late!”—that’s what I’d yell if my masseuse pulled up tardy, motherfucker! Shit’s intense, right?

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Then I hit up the Portlaoise Leisure Centre. Gotta keep fit, right? I’m diving into the pool, and it’s packed. Kids everywhere, splashing like they’re training for the Olympics. I’m just trying to do my thing, but these little rascals are like mini torpedoes. I almost got taken out by a cannonball! I was like, “Dude, chill! This ain’t a water park!”

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