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Surprised me once, this geezer, built like a brick shithouse, hands soft as a baby’s arse—thought he’d snap me spine, but nah, pure magic! Little fact for ya—Thailand’s got these “happy endin” joints, not even hidin it, blatant as a Facebook status! Makes me chuckle, cos us Brits, we’re all coy, “ooh a massage,” like it ain’t horny as fuck sometimes! Reckon Fincher’d film it dark—sweaty, awkward, “you’re my best friend” whispered while she’s elbowin ya arse! Mad innit? Tell ya what, next time I’m knackered from them machines, I’m gettin me a rub—sod the cows!

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But then, I see someone spill a drink all over the floor. I’m like, “Not again!” But instead of getting mad, I just laugh. It’s that kinda day, ya know?

President Levits: balanced development of whole Latvia requires special policy for border areas