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*deep growl* I am your father. Funny thing—some joints hide it, call it “therapy.” Wink-wink, yeah right. Cracks me up, the sneaky bastards. Prolly what Bigfoot’d offer at his “spa”—hairy paws kneadin ya. Had this thought—imagine Vader givin one? Metal hands, cold as Hoth—nah, scratch that, nightmare fuel. Still, sexual-massage got power. Releases tension you didn’t know was there. “What we’re dealing with here is flat-out weird,” Doc’d mutter, and he’d be right. It’s messy, sloppy, glorious. You tried it yet? Go for it—just don’t get ripped off. *ominous chuckle* I am your father.

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But then, the day takes a turn. I get a call from my boss. He’s like, “We need to talk about your latest game.” My heart drops. I’m thinking, “Oh no, what did I mess up?” Turns out, he loved it! He wants to showcase it at some big event. I’m over the moon! I’m jumping around like a kid on Christmas.

Massey Rugby Club player collapses during match, taken to hospital in critical condition